Is Lack of Intimacy a Reason to Break Up? – YES

I remember I was dating this one girl and everything was going great until we made it to the bedroom. She would begin sleeping over my place and whenever I made a move she kept saying she wasn’t ready and ‘not right now’. Wanting to be a gentleman I respected her wishes but after a few weeks of this when I made a move, on Monday, she said she would be ready on Friday but when Friday came she made an excuse to sleep at her grandmother’s house.

That was the last straw.

At first, I felt conflicted because I didn’t want to seem like some creep that dumped a girl just because she wouldn’t put out when I wanted but on the other hand I began to think about what a long term relationship with her would be like: her using sex as a weapon, me having to beg for sex, and me just not being sexually satisfied and having the urge to cheat I knew breaking up with her was the right thing to do.

What sealed the deal wasn’t so much that I didn’t enjoy the sex it was that she wasn’t even willing to try, and I knew she wasn’t that religious so it wasn’t because of that.

Prevention is The Best Medicine

Some girls won’t tell a guy about her true feelings towards intimacy in a relationship because they are afraid of scaring him away. However, it’s better to be upfront and honest about your expectations, including intimacy, in the courting stage rather than waiting until the dating stage. It will hurt a lot less not entering a relationship than to be cheated on or left later on because your man is not satisfied.

Why It’s Okay to Break Up Over Intimacy

There is only one reason to break up a relationship, and that’s if continuing the relationship makes you unhappy. Some people are unhappy without enough sex, some can manage, but if one part is unhappy, that’s a good enough reason to leave.

While sex is not everything it’s an important part of a relationship. In fact, when dating in The Philippines a sign of a scammer is not wanting to have sex.  We guys want a girl that enjoys sex with us and girls want a guy who will perform to their satisfaction. Women, you deserve to orgasm too so if your guy isn’t doing it for you please be honest with him and see if you can make it work. If it’s not its probably a symptom of a bigger problem in the relationship

Guys if your girl won’t put out there’s probably a reason for it. A few common reasons a woman won’t put out:

  1. She’s a golddigger who just wants your money
  2. Your lady is not satisfied with your performance in bed
  3. She’s unhappy with you for some reason
  4. She’s just not that into you

The 4th one is a big one. If you’ve tried addressing her concerns and she insists everything is okay that she’s ‘just tired’ or some other excuse the real reason you’re not getting any could be, unfortunately, she’s just not that into you. That’s why it’s okay to break up over intimacy. You don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that isn’t into you.

It’s also better for her if you end it over lack of intimacy. Being cheated on is one of the worst feelings of betrayal a person can ever endure. If you are not satisfied your chances of committing such a horrendous act increase exponentially as time goes on.

How to Break Up With Someone Over Lack of Intimacy

Living in The Philippines I’ve broken up with women due to lack of intimacy a few times. The best way to do it is the way that works best for you. I personally am a fan of just ripping off the band-aid. Keep in mind before I’ve reached this stage where I’m ready to call it off I’ve made several attempts to talk to her and make sure I’m addressing her concerns to see if we can work it out. When I’m ready to end it I’ll just make sure we’re in a private setting and just tell her straight up, “I don’t think this relationship is going to work for us long term”. Then I’ll add “I want to enable you to find someone who will love you like you deserve”.

Whatever you do please don’t break up when you’re angry. Even if it’s been the 100th time she’s had a headache this month just take a deep breath and wait a day or two before making a decision. You want to make sure you’ve dotted all of your “I”s and crossed your “T’s” prior to cutting her loose.

The best way to minimize the pain to make sure she knows it’s coming. Talk to her,  let her know that you’re frustrated and that the relationship cannot continue like this. If she won’t change or she changes and then quickly reverts back to her old ways then you’ve done your part.  If ever you feel guilty about it a google search will reveal a number of female bloggers who boast about breaking up with guys because they weren’t satisfied.

Can a Relationship or Marriage Survive Without Intimacy?

People wonder if a relationship or marriage can survive without intimacy? For me the answer is a resounding NO. But that depends on how important intimacy is to both parties. If one partner can’t be intimate due to illness or something like that then that’s workable but if he or she just plain won’t be intimate or not to the level of your liking then it probably won’t work.

This is why living with someone prior to marriage is so important. You need to see how things such as intimacy or splitting of the household chores work themselves out.

When it comes to relationships we all have things that we’ll be flexible with and other core values that we are not. For me being sexually satisfied is a core value and I simply could not maintain a relationship with someone that didn’t do that for me.

Prevent This From Happening Again

It’s important you both are upfront about your expectations in a relationship from the beginning. I’m not saying to talk about sex on the first conversation but once you both make the decision you want to enter into a relationship ask her what her opinion regarding intimacy is. 

I always ask a new girl I’m talking to what happened with her ex. Specifically why it ended. That question is a gold mine for information. If she says things like ‘oh he was a sex addict’ or something like that then you know she most likely wasn’t satisfying him in the intimacy department.  You can even be upfront and ask how often she and her last boyfriend did the deed.

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